A fresh slice of pizza has always been a favourite among students at Confederation College when it comes to their choice of lunch. One could always rely on relatively low prices for a filling meal – until recently, that is.

In what students are now referring to as the “golden age”, slices of pizza that cost no more than $4 used to be the size of my face. With recent changes in the minimum wage due to Gail Parnega alongside staggering inflation, a now $6.20 slice of pizza is no larger than my cat’s nose. The situation came to a head after a famished student began throwing pizza everywhere including our hard working report’s face, in which it comically slowly slid down like you would see in a cartoon before falling to the floor with a plop.

Despite the second-degree burns, our reporter claims the pizza was rather delicious. Prices are predicted to increase by 30% following the incident.